things are getting better. somewhat. i had a decent day at work. morning to afternoon. made decent tips. got asked to hang out by a couple of friends, which spurred me into cleaning my downstairs living room. i managed to pick it up in about an hour which is p impressive by my standards. this means i can host more stuff. which should improve my mood. it was fun, i rewatched baby driver with my friends. we had some hiccoughs along the way (yes mel, its in the log now.) but it was fun. i miss hosting my friends.
ive hit a sort of breakthrough on my perpetual sadness, ive realized that im jealous. all of my friends are pairing up into happy little relationships. and im happy for them all. i just wish my situation wasnt the way it is. stuck with an owner 900.8 miles away. its no ones fault and i dont regret a second of it. i just want to love and be loved again. i miss holding hands, hugs and kisses, dates, etc. i want more than just being teased. im tired of staring at this box with my collar in it. waiting to have it clipped around my neck. it will get better, one day, 900.8 miles will be 0, a one way trip that ends with everything i could ever want.
to conclude; a poem.
O, love
O, death
you share the same tale
under the pale moon we flirt
kiss til morning
and sleep til night anew
but as we wake
i whisper somber:
"please, dont leave without me
id rather go with you
than live another day here"
but youre gone
and the marks itch and fade
until next
live and drink friends,
-nmiv
Back.